Articulating Emotions

From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Tuesday, 11.05 am

Dear Parent,

The other day, I was walking with my friend when she told me a little incident. It's a scene that's played out in countless homes, day after day…

Your child returns from school, shoulders dropped and with a big frown on their face.

You ask them, "What's wrong, honey?" and they mumble "nothing!" or, even worse, they burst into tears with no explanation. It's like watching a silent movie with the sound turned off – you see the drama, you feel the tension, but you have no clue what's really going on.

It rips your heart out, doesn't it?

I've been there. I remember when my son was younger. He'd get so angry after losing a game, but he couldn't tell me why.

Was he mad at himself? Disappointed because he let his team down? Ashamed because he wasn't up to it? I didn't know, and neither did he. It made it almost impossible to help him, and it broke my heart.

Now, I know you're an incredible parent. You're always there for your child, doing your best to guide them. That's why I'm writing to you today.

You must have seen your child in this state as well. So, instead of feeling helpless, I thought I'd share what I've discovered that may be useful for you…

The Missing Piece

Here's the cold, hard truth – emotions are complicated! Kids aren't born knowing how to express them.

You might expect them to say – "I'm jealous that my friend scored the winning goal." Instead, they blurt out "I'm sad" (even when their team won) or shut down completely, leaving us to guess.

We spend so much time teaching them math, history, and science. We spend a fortune on tutors, sports equipment, and music lessons, but we often skip the most important subject of all – understanding ourselves.

Think about the devastating impact this has on their lives. It affects everything:

- their friendships (misunderstandings, arguments, hurt feelings),

- their schoolwork (test anxiety, frustration with tough subjects, giving up), and

- their overall well-being (stress, low self-esteem, feeling lost and alone).

Seen a child who constantly feels "left out" at recess but can only express it as "I don't want to play." Of course they don't mean what they say. That simple statement can lead to social isolation, loneliness, low self-esteem and even poor academic performance.

But a child who can say, "I feel excluded when other kids don't ask me to join their game" can actually do something about it. They can learn to build relationships and join the group, find new kids to play with or ask a teacher for help.

Articulating problems is the first step in solving them.

And get this – research proves that kids who can articulate their emotions have better mental health, stronger relationships, and even better physical health. Why?

Because putting feelings into words decreases the intensity of the emotion and helps them manage it better.

The Emotion Wheel

Now, here's the great news – teaching emotional articulation isn't hard. You don't need to be a psychologist, and you don't need endless hours to teach it. You just need one simple tool – The Emotion Wheel.

Think of the Emotion Wheel as a color palette for feelings. You start with the basic colors in the innermost circle – happy, sad, angry, scared – and then you see all the different shades.

"Happy" isn't just happy, it can be elated, proud, content or joyful.

"Angry" can be frustrated, annoyed, furious or betrayed.

Now imagine your child using it. It's like expanding their emotional vocabulary 1

From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Tuesday, 11.05 am

x and giving them the words they need to understand themselves and communicate with others.

3 Hacks To Use Emotion Wheel With Your Kids

Hack #1: The "Emotional Check-in" At Dinner

Every evening at dinner or during bedtime, ask your child to pick one emotion they felt during the day. Start simple: "Were you happy, sad, or frustrated today?"

Once they share, dive a little deeper. If they say "sad," ask, "Was it because something didn't go as you hoped, or did you feel left out?" This daily habit helps them connect their emotions to specific experiences.

Hack #2: Turning It Into A Game

When you're watching a show or movie together, pause to talk about the characters – "What do you think that character is feeling right now? Why?"

This not only teaches them to identify emotions but also builds empathy by putting themselves in someone else's shoes.

Hack #3: Keeping a Feelings Journal

Encourage your child to draw or write about how they feel each day. For younger kids, drawing happy or sad faces works wonders. Older kids might write, "I felt frustrated because the teacher kept nagging me today." Over time, this journal becomes a safe space for them to reflect and articulate their emotions.

But let me tell you the most important hacks of them all…

Celebrate Their Progress: It almost works like magic. When your child uses a new word to describe their emotions, make a big deal out of it. Let them know you're proud of them for trying to express themselves. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

As parents, we often focus on what we can give our kids – education, opportunities, even material things. But the truth is, the greatest gift you can give is the ability to understand themselves.

Real Talk

Now, let's talk about something uncomfortable but vitally important…

I've seen what happens to kids who never learn to articulate their emotions. They bottle things up. They struggle with anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. They have trouble forming healthy relationships, and they often end up feeling lost and alone.

It's a painful cycle, and it doesn't have to happen. You have the power to break that cycle, right now.

So, here's what I want you to do:

Tonight, before your child goes to bed, have a simple conversation. Ask them about one feeling they had today. Use the Emotion Wheel as a guide.

Start small. Be patient. You might be surprised at what you discover. 🙂

Parenting isn't about perfection, it's about connection. And with this, you'll leave your child with something far more valuable than anything money can buy – a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them.

All the best!

One Comment

Tanuuja December 28, 2024 at 2:13 am

Wonderfully phrased!!
I wish I knew this 10 years ago when my children were growing up.
Totally agree on this…..
“As parents, we often focus on what we can give our kids – education, opportunities, even material things. But the truth is, the greatest gift you can give is the ability to understand themselves.”

Comments are closed.