From:
Pallav Kaushish
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
Dear Parent,
Have you ever seen your child wondering – What makes me truly happy?
Maybe you've asked that question yourself. I know I have. And why wouldn't we? Happiness is what we all seek.
Since this is a profound question for everyone, I thought this would be a good time to reveal the answer.
The surprising part – the secret to genuine, lasting happiness is stunningly simple.
It's not buried in cryptic philosophies or some mystical enlightenment. No. It's something real, something we can see and feel.
Happiness comes from chasing meaningful goals – and achieving them.
Think about it. Picture your child, sitting on the floor, carefully stacking Lego blocks to build the tallest tower they've ever made. What do you see?
There's a spark in their eyes, a plan in their mind, and a quiet determination in their little hands. With every click of a block, their joy grows. Why? Because they're not just playing – they're focused and locked in to accomplish a goal.
And this goal-attainment = happiness formula isn't something new, it's been with us forever. It has shaped entire civilizations. It's hardwired into us.
Call it Darwinian survival, human nature, or the recipe for a good life – there's one rule that keeps winning:
No happiness without responsibility.
No valuable goal = no positive emotion = no happiness.
It's as simple and as complex as that.
The Trap of "Just This Once"
Without sugarcoating it – sometimes, we take the easy road. You know the one I'm talking about – the road to quick pleasures and empty thrills.
"Just one more episode."
"Just one candy bar."
"I deserve this."
It's harmless, right? Until it isn't.
Here's the hard truth – the path of quick pleasures is easy to follow but impossible to satisfy. The wise voice inside us knows it. It nags. It squawks. But we often overlook it.
Quick pleasures feel good for a moment, but they leave us emptier than before – like a kid who's just finished all her Halloween candy and realized they've got nothing left.
So here's the million-dollar question – How do we make sure our kids don't fall into that trap?
And more importantly – How do we teach them to be happy?
The Science Of Happiness
If you've ever wondered why happiness feels so elusive, here's something worth knowing:
Happiness isn't about luck, nor is it coded in our DNA. It's determined by what we do, how we live, and our day-to-day experiences.
Science backs this up.
Ironically, the harder we try to "find happiness," the more elusive it becomes. We end up chasing shortcuts – quick fixes that feel good in the moment but leave us emptier than before. Science has a word for this: misdirected effort – where we focus on all the wrong things, thinking they'll lead us to joy.
But here's the hopeful part – science has also shown us WHY we stumble and how we can do better.
It's uncovered sneaky patterns – habits of the mind – that quietly hold us back. If we want our kids (and ourselves) to live fuller, happier lives, there's no other way than to recognize and train these patterns out of our brains.
Let's start with the four biggest culprits.
,
From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
. Perfectionism – The Illusion of 'Perfect'
What it is: Perfectionism isn't about trying hard – it's about believing that anything less than perfect is worthless. It's a game where the goalpost keeps moving, and "good enough" never exists. Generally leads to stress, procrastination, and guilt.
Why it matters: When kids chase perfection, they don't just fear failure – they start avoiding things they love because "what if I don't get it right?" Over time, they lose confidence in themselves.
Example: Imagine a child who gets a 9
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From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
% on a test and feels crushed because it's not
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From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
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From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
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From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
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%. That one "missing mark" becomes the only thing they see, and suddenly, their effort feels pointless.
The fix: Praise their effort, not perfection. Teach them that growth isn't linear, and progress is far more valuable than flawless outcomes.
"Every small win counts. Every stumble teaches you something new."
,
. Social Comparison – The Thief of Joy
What it is: Comparing ourselves to others is as old as time – but today, it's everywhere. For kids, it's not just academics or sports, it's Instagram, Snapchat, and every "highlight reel" they scroll through.
Why it matters: Constant comparison makes happiness impossible because someone, somewhere, is always doing "better." Kids start to measure their worth by the success of others – never realizing and appreciating how far they've come.
The nuance: Comparison isn't always bad. Healthy comparison can inspire growth when we admire someone's qualities and strive to learn. But the best comparison? Comparing ourselves to who we were yesterday.
Example: Your child sees a friend score the winning goal and thinks, "I'll never be that good." But ask them this instead – "How much better are you than you were last week?" That's what really counts.
The fix: Encourage kids to admire others without tearing themselves down. And always celebrate their personal progress, no matter how small.
"It's not about being the best. It's about being better than you were yesterday."
,
From:
Pragya Tewari
New Delhi, India
Thursday, 9.37 am
. Materialism – The Empty Promise of 'Stuff'
What it is: The belief that happiness can be bought. A new phone, the latest sneakers, or the coolest gadget might bring a moment of joy – but they never last.
Why it matters: Kids (and adults) tie their self-worth to things – things that can break, fade, or be replaced. When the high of a new toy disappears, they're left chasing the next shiny object. And the vicious cycle continues.
Example: A child gets the newest video game console and feels euphoric… for a week. Then it's forgotten, and they're already asking, "What's next?"
The fix: Shift their focus to experiences – family trips, hobbies, creative projects, or time spent with friends. Remind them – memories last, things don't.
"Things fade. Experiences grow richer with time."
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. Maximizing – When 'Good Enough' Is Never Enough
What it is: Maximizers are stuck in "What if there's something better?" trap. They obsessively search for better options, even when they're already satisfied. This mindset robs them of the joy of decision-making and the satisfaction of appreciating what they have.
Why it matters: When children fall into this pattern, they often struggle to make decisions and second-guess themselves constantly. This not only takes away their ability to enjoy the moment but also instills a fear of commitment and a tendency to focus on what's missing instead of what's present.
Example: See if you've experienced this – your child is shopping for a new backpack. They've found one they love, but they insist on visiting five more stores to compare options. By the time they return to the original backpack, it's sold out. The disappointment stings harder than if they had simply bought it in the first place.
The fix: Help kids develop the mindset of "satisficing" – choosing something that meets their needs without endless comparisons. Then enjoy it fully, and move on without regret. Gratitude is the ultimate cure for maximizing.
"Sometimes 'good enough' is exactly what you need."
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, we all want the same thing for our kids. Not perfect scores. Not shiny trophies. Not closets full of "stuff."
We want them to feel whole. To live lives full of purpose, joy, and quiet pride in who they are and what they're building.
But here's the harsh truth – the world they're growing up in is noisy. It pulls them in a thousand directions, whispering lies like "you're not enough," "you need more," or "someone else is better." If we're not careful, those whispers will become their beliefs.
So, let's show them a different way.
It won't always be easy. Sometimes, the quick thrill will tempt them, just like it tempts us. But when they learn to trade empty victories for lasting fulfillment, they'll discover something priceless:
Happiness is not a finish line. It's a way of walking through the world.
So, let's do the work – together. For their future, for their happiness, and for the joy of watching them become exactly who they're meant to be.
Because if there's one thing we know for sure, it's this:
A happy child doesn't just light up a room. They light up the world.
