From:
Pallav Kaushish
New Delhi, India
Monday, 11.35 am

Dear Parent,

Teenage years of our kids are something special, isn't it?

The other day I was thinking about the first time I got introduced to chess by my grandma.

I was just 12 or 13, excited to learn the game, and she taught me the basics – how each piece moves, how to capture, and the ultimate goal of checkmate. At first, it felt pretty straightforward. I moved my pieces, tried to take hers, and aimed to win as quickly as possible. Simple, right?

But as I started playing more, I realized that chess wasn't just about moving pieces. It was about thinking ahead.

My grandmother taught me about things like castling, controlling the middle squares, and how the position of every piece could change the flow of the game many moves later. I remember her telling me, "A good player knows their next move, but a great player knows the next five moves."

That was when I first started to understand the concept of chess vision. In chess, as in life, every action has consequences that stretch beyond the now and here.

When I moved my knight, it wasn't just about taking a pawn. It was about opening up a line for my bishop or anticipating how my opponent would respond. This deeper thinking – this ability to see multiple steps ahead – is the essence of second-order thinking.

And here's why this matters so much for our kids.

The Trap of Immediate Gratification

Let's face it – We live in a world of instant gratification. Fast results, quick fixes, and short-term rewards dominate everything our kids see around them. It's no wonder they sometimes struggle to make decisions that will benefit them in the long run.

Think of a practical scenario. Let's say your child has been saving up their allowance for weeks and is finally ready to buy that new video game they've been wanting. The first-order thinking here is clear – the satisfaction of getting the game and having fun with it right away. But with second-order thinking, we encourage them to go deeper.

What happens after the excitement of the game wears off?

How will this decision affect their savings for the future?

Could there be a bigger, more meaningful purchase they're giving up by spending all their money now?

This kind of thinking helps them weigh the long-term effects of their decisions – not just the immediate satisfaction.

A World Full of Unintended Consequences

Now, let me share a couple of real-world examples that might drive this point home.

A few years ago, a school decided to implement a fine for parents who were late picking up their kids. The idea seemed simple – charge a fine, and parents would start showing up on time. Just as they would with kids. But instead, the exact opposite happened. Late pick-ups actually increased! Why?

Because once the fine was introduced, parents began to see it as a cheap babysitting service. They no longer felt guilty about being late because they could just pay the fee. The school had failed to consider the second-order effects – the unintended consequences – of their decision.

Or take the British government's attempt to reduce the cobra population in India many years ago. They offered a reward for every dead cobra, thinking it would motivate people to kill the snakes. And it worked, initially.

But eventually, locals began breeding cobras to collect the reward. Again, they hadn't thought beyond the immediate outcome, and the problem got worse.

There's also a technical term for it in economics – perverse incentive!

Seen These Situations?

Your teenager doesn't clean their room after you've asked them multiple times.

First-order thinking: "Why do I have to keep telling you this? You're being lazy and disrespectful. Clean it right now!"

Second-order thinking: "I've noticed you've been really distracted lately. Is something on your mind? Let's talk about it and figure out a better way to handle it together."

——————-

Your child comes home with a bad grade on an important test.

First-order thinking: "Why didn't you study harder? You know this is going to hurt your overall grade! You need to focus more!"

Second-order thinking: "I know you tried your best. But seems like some topics may be hard for you. Let's identify those and figure out how we can conquer them."

——————–

A fat bully is chasing your son.

He reaches a staircase.

Should he go up or down?

First-order thinking: "Go down! You're faster when going downhill."

Second-order thinking: "Go up! Going up is harder for you – but a lot harder for the fat guy! He'll tire soon and stop chasing."

Real-Life Strategies to Teach Your Child

Now, you might be wondering – how exactly do we teach this to our kids? How do we take something as abstract as second-order thinking and make it practical for their day-to-day lives?

Here are a few strategies:

1. Use the "What Happens Next?" Question (Foresight)

Whenever your child makes a decision, take a moment to ask them, "What do you think will happen next?" Once they answer, follow up with, "And what about after that?"

Keep guiding them to think through the second, third, and even fourth-order consequences of their actions. Over time, they'll start doing this naturally and it will become part of their muscle memory.

Or, think about the consequences of the decision in different timelines.

Ask yourself – What will be the consequences of this decision in:

• • 10 minutes?

• • 10 days?

• • 10 months?

• • 10 years?

This will allow your kids to think about the short-term, medium-term, and long-term consequences of their decision.

2. Share Real-World Examples (Hindsight)

Just like I used the chess analogy, find ways to illustrate second-order thinking through stories.

Whether it's a news story about a business that made a bad decision, or something closer to home, like a situation at school, show your child how short-term thinking leads to unintended consequences.

Or help your child reflect on their decisions. Sit down with them and reflect on how things played out. Did they make a choice that turned out how they expected in the long run? Or did they regret a decision that seemed like a good idea at first?

Help them connect the dots between their choices and the outcomes so they can see how second-order thinking could have led to a different result.

3. Encourage Them to Set Long-Term Goals

As parents, we often focus on the day-to-day challenges our kids face. But if we encourage them to set long-term goals, they'll start thinking about how their current actions align with those bigger objectives.

Whether it's saving money for something special, working toward a college scholarship, or even building stronger friendships, having a long-term vision helps them make better decisions in the present.

Final Thoughts

As I look back on those early chess games with my grandma, I realize now that it wasn't just about the game. It was about life. Every move, every choice, had consequences that stretched far beyond the moment. And the more I trained myself to think ahead, the better I became – not just at chess, but at navigating the complexities of life.

I hope this resonates with you as much as it has with me.

Let's give our kids the tools to peel the hidden layers of every decision and help them become the thoughtful, strategic thinkers this world so desperately needs.

Onwards and upwards.