From: Pragya Tewari New Delhi, India Wednesday, 10.35 am
Dear Parent,
I absolutely love writing these letters. It almost feels like we’re sitting down over a cup of coffee, sharing thoughts on the highs and lows of parenthood.
Every time I start one of these, I imagine it as a conversation – something real, something genuine.
The Joy of Conversations
As you would agree, conversations are one of life’s greatest joys. They are civilized speech – purposeful, intimate, and meaningful. They’re different from the idle chatter we pass time with or the gossip we might overhear.
Conversations are where ideas are shared, relationships are deepened, and understanding is built. They’re the foundation of human connection and have the power to elevate us, challenge us, and bring us closer to the people around us.
And yet, here’s a question we don’t often ask ourselves: How good are we at conversing?
Think about it. We teach our kids math, science, sports, and even how to drive a car. But how often do we teach them the art of conversation?
Make no mistake, it is an art. Just like painting or music, it’s one of those uniquely human experiences that takes so much complexity and turns it into something beautiful. And with practice, anyone can master it.
But here’s where the problem lies – just like you can’t paint without a brush, you can’t have meaningful conversations without words.
The Power of Words & Vocabulary
Every conversation, whether it’s with a friend, a colleague, or even our spouse, is built on the foundation of words.
You can make someone happy or ruin their day with your words.
Our thoughts and conversations are limited by our vocabulary.
Even the conversations we have with ourselves – our inner monologues – are shaped by the words we know. Imagine trying to sort through your feelings or make a big decision without the right words.
Having a solid vocabulary is one of the most powerful tools we use. Without it, you can easily feel frustrated, misunderstood, or even disconnected.
Imagine this scenario, your teenager comes home from school, upset because they had a disagreement with a friend. You ask what happened, and they struggle to explain. Their thoughts are there – they know what they want to say – but they just can’t find the right words. They’re stuck. And that’s frustrating, not just for them, but for us as parents too.
This is why vocabulary is so important!
It’s not just about sounding smart or impressing people with big words. It’s about giving our kids the tools they need to express themselves, to communicate clearly, and to understand the world around them.
Conversations Shape Reality
Now here’s a powerful idea I want you to contend with:
Every interaction your child has with the world is a battle between their version of reality and someone else’s!
That sounds intense, but it’s true. When your child is talking to a friend, negotiating with a teacher, or even debating with you, they’re expressing their version of reality. And how do we express reality? Through words.
So the question becomes:
How well-equipped are our children to express their version of reality?
If they don’t have the words, they can’t make their case. They can’t defend their ideas. They can’t stand up for themselves. They become passive participants in their own lives, reacting to the world around them instead of shaping it.
And here’s the biggest danger – when we don’t have the words to express our reality, we can fall prey to manipulation.
There’s a quote that always sticks with me, from the philosopher Slavoj Žižek:
“We feel free because we lack the very language to articulate our unfreedom.”
Profound, isn’t it?
Sometimes we think we’re in control when, in reality, we’re being constrained by forces we don’t even recognize. And often, the only way to see those forces is to have the language to describe them.
This is where you and I come in as parents. It’s our job to help our kids build a powerful vocabulary. And it’s not as hard as you might think.
How to Develop a Powerful Vocabulary
There are a few tried-and-true strategies that can help our children build the vocabulary they need – not just for better conversations, but for life itself.
1. Read Broadly – Exposure is Everything
This is the simplest and most effective way – read widely and read often. Encourage your child to read all kinds of materials – fiction, non-fiction, media articles, Wikipedia pages, debates, scientific journals, religious texts, you name it. Why?
Because every genre brings its own unique set of words, and context is everything when learning new vocabulary. When we expose our kids to different styles of writing, they learn how words are used in various situations.
2. Listen to a Variety of Smart People – Get Out of the Bubble
We live in a world where it’s easy to get stuck in an echo chamber. Our kids tend to hear the same perspectives from the same people over and over again, which limits their understanding.
By encouraging them to listen to smart people with diverse opinions – whether it’s through podcasts, TED talks, debates, or even conversations with people outside their usual circle – we expand their vocabulary and their worldview.
Listening to a variety of people also introduces them to new words, new ideas, and different ways of thinking. It’s a crucial part of developing a strong, confident personality because it sharpens their ability to argue and defend their views.
3. Steelman the Argument – Build, Don’t Destroy
In any conversation or debate, teach your child to “steelman” the other person’s argument.
This means they should first articulate the other person’s point of view as clearly and strongly as possible before presenting their own counterargument.
This habit not only improves their conversational skills but also teaches them to approach discussions with empathy and understanding. It forces them to use more precise language and pushes them to think critically about the words they’re choosing.
4. Practice, Practice, Practice – Use It or Lose It
Learning a word doesn’t mean much if you don’t use it. One of the best ways to solidify new vocabulary is by using it more frequently. Encourage your child to use new words in conversations, writing, or even while texting with friends. The more they practice, the more comfortable they’ll become.
Here’s an idea: every time your child learns a new word, challenge them to use it three times that day. It’s a simple trick that works wonders.
Six Conversation Habits to Break
Now, as we’re helping our kids develop a powerful vocabulary, it’s also important to make sure they don’t fall into bad conversational habits.
Here are six common pitfalls that can turn even the best-intentioned conversation into a mess.
And yes, we’ve all been guilty of these at some point. But if we can help our kids avoid them, they’ll be far better conversationalists for the rest of their lives.
1. Interrupting – Give Others the Floor
We’ve all been there. We’re so eager to share our thoughts that we accidentally cut someone off mid-sentence.
Interrupting sends the message that we don’t care what the other person has to say. And no matter how well-intentioned, it can make the other person feel disrespected or unheard.
Teach your child to pause and listen. Truly listen. It’s amazing how much deeper and more meaningful conversations become when we stop thinking about what we’re going to say next and start focusing on what the other person is actually saying.
2. Story-Topping – It’s Not a Competition
You know the type – someone shares a story, and the next person immediately jumps in with a “better” one. “Oh, you think that’s bad? Wait until you hear what happened to me!”
Story-topping shifts the conversation from connection to competition. It turns a moment of sharing into a battle of egos. And no one wins.
Encourage your child to stay present in the conversation, appreciating the other person’s experience without feeling the need to one-up them.
3. Bright-Siding – Not Every Problem Needs a Solution
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point. Someone shares a problem, and our first instinct is to cheer them up. “Oh, don’t worry! It’s not that bad!”
But here’s the truth: sometimes, people don’t want to be told to look on the bright side. They want empathy. They want to be heard.
Teach your child to resist the urge to fix everything, especially boys, they’re oriented that way.
Sometimes, the most powerful response is just to listen and say, “I understand.” They’ll build such strong friendships just with this simple strategy.
4. Being Right – The Conversation Isn’t a Contest
Conversations aren’t about winning. Yet, how often do we find ourselves locked in a debate, determined to prove that we’re right?
Being right may feel good in the moment, but it can damage relationships in the long run. And well, even the people around can see that you’re now just aiming to win, doesn’t reflect well.
Teach your child that it’s okay to let go of the need to win every argument. The goal is connection, not domination.
I’ll add an important distinction, our kids also need to learn how to respond with verbal acuity and wit when threatened by a verbal bully.
5. Being All-Knowing – Stay Humble
We all know someone who’s an expert on everything – or at least, they think they are. They offer unsolicited advice, explain things you already know, and generally make conversations all about their knowledge.
Show your child why to avoid this habit. Conversations are about mutual exchange, not lectures. Encourage them to share their insights when asked, but to also value and appreciate the opinions and knowledge of others.
Final Thoughts
If there’s still some doubt left, let me leave you with this video.
It’s time for us parents to equip our kids with the tools they need to become the great architects of their own lives.
Every new word, every great conversation, brings them one step closer to constructing something magnificent of their own.
The best part? We get to watch it all unfold, one word at a time.
Warmly,
From: Pragya Tewari New Delhi, India Wednesday, 10.35 am
Dear Parent,
I absolutely love writing these letters. It almost feels like we’re sitting down over a cup of coffee, sharing thoughts on the highs and lows of parenthood.
Every time I start one of these, I imagine it as a conversation – something real, something genuine.
The Joy of Conversations
As you would agree, conversations are one of life’s greatest joys. They are civilized speech – purposeful, intimate, and meaningful. They’re different from the idle chatter we pass time with or the gossip we might overhear.
Conversations are where ideas are shared, relationships are deepened, and understanding is built. They’re the foundation of human connection and have the power to elevate us, challenge us, and bring us closer to the people around us.
And yet, here’s a question we don’t often ask ourselves: How good are we at conversing?
Think about it. We teach our kids math, science, sports, and even how to drive a car. But how often do we teach them the art of conversation?
Make no mistake, it is an art. Just like painting or music, it’s one of those uniquely human experiences that takes so much complexity and turns it into something beautiful. And with practice, anyone can master it.
But here’s where the problem lies – just like you can’t paint without a brush, you can’t have meaningful conversations without words.
The Power of Words & Vocabulary
Every conversation, whether it’s with a friend, a colleague, or even our spouse, is built on the foundation of words.
You can make someone happy or ruin their day with your words.
Our thoughts and conversations are limited by our vocabulary.
Even the conversations we have with ourselves – our inner monologues – are shaped by the words we know. Imagine trying to sort through your feelings or make a big decision without the right words.
Having a solid vocabulary is one of the most powerful tools we use. Without it, you can easily feel frustrated, misunderstood, or even disconnected.
Imagine this scenario, your teenager comes home from school, upset because they had a disagreement with a friend. You ask what happened, and they struggle to explain. Their thoughts are there – they know what they want to say – but they just can’t find the right words. They’re stuck. And that’s frustrating, not just for them, but for us as parents too.
This is why vocabulary is so important!
It’s not just about sounding smart or impressing people with big words. It’s about giving our kids the tools they need to express themselves, to communicate clearly, and to understand the world around them.
Conversations Shape Reality
Now here’s a powerful idea I want you to contend with:
Every interaction your child has with the world is a battle between their version of reality and someone else’s!
That sounds intense, but it’s true. When your child is talking to a friend, negotiating with a teacher, or even debating with you, they’re expressing their version of reality. And how do we express reality? Through words.
So the question becomes:
How well-equipped are our children to express their version of reality?
If they don’t have the words, they can’t make their case. They can’t defend their ideas. They can’t stand up for themselves. They become passive participants in their own lives, reacting to the world around them instead of shaping it.
And here’s the biggest danger – when we don’t have the words to express our reality, we can fall prey to manipulation.
There’s a quote that always sticks with me, from the philosopher Slavoj Žižek:
“We feel free because we lack the very language to articulate our unfreedom.”
Profound, isn’t it?
Sometimes we think we’re in control when, in reality, we’re being constrained by forces we don’t even recognize. And often, the only way to see those forces is to have the language to describe them.
This is where you and I come in as parents. It’s our job to help our kids build a powerful vocabulary. And it’s not as hard as you might think.
How to Develop a Powerful Vocabulary
There are a few tried-and-true strategies that can help our children build the vocabulary they need – not just for better conversations, but for life itself.
1. Read Broadly – Exposure is Everything
This is the simplest and most effective way – read widely and read often. Encourage your child to read all kinds of materials – fiction, non-fiction, media articles, Wikipedia pages, debates, scientific journals, religious texts, you name it. Why?
Because every genre brings its own unique set of words, and context is everything when learning new vocabulary. When we expose our kids to different styles of writing, they learn how words are used in various situations.
2. Listen to a Variety of Smart People – Get Out of the Bubble
We live in a world where it’s easy to get stuck in an echo chamber. Our kids tend to hear the same perspectives from the same people over and over again, which limits their understanding.
By encouraging them to listen to smart people with diverse opinions – whether it’s through podcasts, TED talks, debates, or even conversations with people outside their usual circle – we expand their vocabulary and their worldview.
Listening to a variety of people also introduces them to new words, new ideas, and different ways of thinking. It’s a crucial part of developing a strong, confident personality because it sharpens their ability to argue and defend their views.
3. Steelman the Argument – Build, Don’t Destroy
In any conversation or debate, teach your child to “steelman” the other person’s argument.
This means they should first articulate the other person’s point of view as clearly and strongly as possible before presenting their own counterargument.
This habit not only improves their conversational skills but also teaches them to approach discussions with empathy and understanding. It forces them to use more precise language and pushes them to think critically about the words they’re choosing.
4. Practice, Practice, Practice – Use It or Lose It
Learning a word doesn’t mean much if you don’t use it. One of the best ways to solidify new vocabulary is by using it more frequently. Encourage your child to use new words in conversations, writing, or even while texting with friends. The more they practice, the more comfortable they’ll become.
Here’s an idea: every time your child learns a new word, challenge them to use it three times that day. It’s a simple trick that works wonders.
Six Conversation Habits to Break
Now, as we’re helping our kids develop a powerful vocabulary, it’s also important to make sure they don’t fall into bad conversational habits.
Here are six common pitfalls that can turn even the best-intentioned conversation into a mess.
And yes, we’ve all been guilty of these at some point. But if we can help our kids avoid them, they’ll be far better conversationalists for the rest of their lives.
1. Interrupting – Give Others the Floor
We’ve all been there. We’re so eager to share our thoughts that we accidentally cut someone off mid-sentence.
Interrupting sends the message that we don’t care what the other person has to say. And no matter how well-intentioned, it can make the other person feel disrespected or unheard.
Teach your child to pause and listen. Truly listen. It’s amazing how much deeper and more meaningful conversations become when we stop thinking about what we’re going to say next and start focusing on what the other person is actually saying.
2. Story-Topping – It’s Not a Competition
You know the type – someone shares a story, and the next person immediately jumps in with a “better” one. “Oh, you think that’s bad? Wait until you hear what happened to me!”
Story-topping shifts the conversation from connection to competition. It turns a moment of sharing into a battle of egos. And no one wins.
Encourage your child to stay present in the conversation, appreciating the other person’s experience without feeling the need to one-up them.
3. Bright-Siding – Not Every Problem Needs a Solution
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point. Someone shares a problem, and our first instinct is to cheer them up. “Oh, don’t worry! It’s not that bad!”
But here’s the truth: sometimes, people don’t want to be told to look on the bright side. They want empathy. They want to be heard.
Teach your child to resist the urge to fix everything, especially boys, they’re oriented that way.
Sometimes, the most powerful response is just to listen and say, “I understand.” They’ll build such strong friendships just with this simple strategy.
4. Being Right – The Conversation Isn’t a Contest
Conversations aren’t about winning. Yet, how often do we find ourselves locked in a debate, determined to prove that we’re right?
Being right may feel good in the moment, but it can damage relationships in the long run. And well, even the people around can see that you’re now just aiming to win, doesn’t reflect well.
Teach your child that it’s okay to let go of the need to win every argument. The goal is connection, not domination.
I’ll add an important distinction, our kids also need to learn how to respond with verbal acuity and wit when threatened by a verbal bully.
5. Being All-Knowing – Stay Humble
We all know someone who’s an expert on everything – or at least, they think they are. They offer unsolicited advice, explain things you already know, and generally make conversations all about their knowledge.
Show your child why to avoid this habit. Conversations are about mutual exchange, not lectures. Encourage them to share their insights when asked, but to also value and appreciate the opinions and knowledge of others.
Final Thoughts
If there’s still some doubt left, let me leave you with this video.
It’s time for us parents to equip our kids with the tools they need to become the great architects of their own lives.
Every new word, every great conversation, brings them one step closer to constructing something magnificent of their own.
The best part? We get to watch it all unfold, one word at a time.
